Fiat 500L

Many great things have come out of Fiat’s factory gates in Turin. I may be slightly biased though as I had a Punto during my formative years and caused unprecedented levels of havoc on the local lanes of the North East. I loved that car. It was full of character and was always an absolute charm to drive - so long as you were driving like you’d just stolen it! Admittedly during my 20,000 miles of ownership I spent a small fortune (several times more than the car was worth) keeping it running but the memories, experiences and adventures make it more than worthwhile. I’ve since longed to own another Fiat but haven’t yet got round to it. One day...

I apologise now

Unfortunately for us motorists Fiat has been hard hit by the European economic downturn and strong competition from the Far East. With diminishing market shares Fiat is in trouble. Today their range consists of the 500, Panda, Punto, Bravo, Qubo and Doblo which is by all accounts not the strongest arsenal out there in the fiercely competed automotive arena. Tell me, have you seen any 14 reg Puntos or Bravos? Thought not - what about 13 reg? No? Therein lies the problem. Still the 500 has been a relatively good seller for Fiat and keen to capitalise on its cutsy retro charm Fiat unleashed the 500L in 2013. Hoping to capture the 500 buyer who now needs room for the newly acquired children the 500L mixes Italian good looks with MPV practicality. Or so Fiat hoped. What they have actually created is a motorised Frankenstein. It is hideous. Not one good angle exists as the not insubstantial 16" wheels lumber under the heavy waist line and tall glass area. Not since the Multipla has Fiat created such an ungainly design. Only the Multipla was actually acceptable and in some ways attractive. The 500L by contrast is just plain ugly.

It really is this big!

Not being one to judge a book solely by its cover I was still keen to sample the 500L; driven here with a 1.6 Multijet diesel. Inside is a retro-themed interior which looks cool. I like the body coloured panel and the instrument cluster is pretty. The infotainment system is rather swish and easy to use too. Sadly that is the pro list fully exhausted. As you might expect the con list is much, much longer. For a start the seats are uncomfortable and offer no lateral support. The material feels durable but cheap. The heater controls feel tacky and cheap. The indicator stalk feels clumsy and cheap. The trip computer display in the dash binnacle is old fashioned and cheap. The cubby holes are too small to be of any use and are formed from hard, cheap plastics. If a word were to sum up the interior it would have to be, unsurprisingly: cheap. This is no budget car though. It’s a staggering £17,990 (£18,340 with the optional white paint). Wow. That kind of money buys you a top of the range Ford B-Max which offers better practicality, more kit and an interior not made from Fisher-Price plastics in the former Yugo factory.

Other burgers are available

Still, Fiat does make good driver's cars so I hoped things would improve once underway. Beyond the sensitive clutch the gearbox rewards with an unsatisfying and notchy change between the six forward ratios. This extra gear gives real cruising potential and is a welcome addition however. The steering is the to-be-expected numb experience as is so often the case with cars of this ilk. The engine on the other hand, despite sounding like a 1950s Massey Ferguson, is a corker. It pulls well through all six ratios and has bags of torque. So good in fact, it almost makes driving the 500L bearable. Despite being perched on the wafer thin seats and suffering with nasty, cheap controls it is possible to make good progress in the 500L. I wouldn’t say you ever enjoy yourself mind. I’d also avoid cross country blasts as the handling is wayward, uninspiring and anaesthetized. Motorways are a much happier means of covering ground but you’ll still suffer intrusive wind noise and a complicated cruise control which really is dangerous. The control arm is hidden behind the steering wheel so you can’t see it. I did just about manage to fathom it out but couldn’t help but always hit the indicator stalk by accident every time I tried to adjust my speed. Annoying. By far and away the most frustrating trait though is lack of radio signal. Whilst stationary the radio picks up all manner of FM stations but as soon as you pull away the signal is all but lost; I still don’t know who won Pop Master yesterday! This from a 2013 car.

There is however, one overriding reason why you don’t want to buy one of these cars. Self respect. It is a real head turner but not in a good way. I don’t think people were impressed with my choice of car. No, the confused looks I saw were those of people who couldn’t believe a car could be so ugly. Certainly no one thanked me for blighting their high street with this monstrosity. Mothers even ushered children away to save them the distress of seeing it. Meanwhile I felt unprecedented levels of guilt for being responsible for such chaos.

L - Ruined

At the end of my journey I pulled into a petrol station and discovered with delight that it was one of the few remaining attended service stations in the UK. Romantic notions of asking the attendant to "fill her up" whilst I adjusted by driving gloves were soon dashed as I remembered by surroundings and I fumbled over myself to explain in no uncertain terms that this was a hire car. I assured him, I would not make such a poor choice of transport. Indeed my only hope is that all 500L’s that I have seen have been hire cars ... there is hope yet.